Saturday, December 14, 2002

This sounds interesting, and I am bored - so perhaps I'll do what everyone else is doing (again). Hmm... I hope none of these people I'm copycatting decide to jump off of any bridges any time soon.

[Spell your first name backwards]: refinneJ
[How old?]: 22
[Where do you live?]: Burnaby, BC, Vancouver, Canada, Earth.
[4 words that sum you up]: quiet, loud, silly, serious


[Wallet]: I have two. A boring black one with room for the stupid amount of plastic that I have, and a fiesty little fur-trimmed changepurse that I carry the necessities in on a daily basis.
[Hairbrush]: Black, flat, plastic bristles - I haven't had need for a hairbrush until recently.
[Toothbrush]: Braun Oral-B Plaque Remover
[Jewelry worn daily]: Gold Earrings and Gold Watch, varied Gold chain, sometimes a Gold/Ruby ring.
[Pillow cover]: White with blue thingies on it - stolen from my boyfriend
[Blanket]: pink, white, and baby blue throw that my grandma knit me
[Coffee cup]: Anything clean that will hold it - I am an addict!
[Sunglasses]: Smith Sliders - model: toast, colour: cherry
[Underwear]: I love my LaSenza panties - I have enough for every day of the week, with a few extras left over.
[Shoes]: usually Doc Martin black boots with a thick sole. Unless I'm feeling sassy... then who knows!
[Handbag]: A large black purse with many compartments
[Favorite top]: Black, white, and grey sweater
[Favorite pants]: the grey pants that match the black, white, and grey sweater
[Cologne/Perfume]: I like D&G for men, and wear Sonia Rykiel - L'eau de Sonia
[CD in stereo right now]: the best christmas.... ever!
[Tattoos]: none (I'm commitment phobic)
[Piercings]: 6 including one in each ear.
[What you are wearing now]: standard bra and panties, socks, slippers, sweatpants, gapkids t-shirt, fleece vest.
[Hair]: crazy
[Makeup]: none right now, usually lots.

WHO or WHAT (was/is/are) -

[In my mouth]: toast
[In my head]: what to wear tonight...
[Wishing]: it was Christmas already
[After this]: tidying room, getting changed, going out
[Talking to]: nobody
[Eating:]: toast
[Fetishes]: nunna yer bidness :)
[If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason?]: nobody
[Person you wish you could see right now]: bandit (he thinks he's a person.. does that count?)
[Is next to you]: a mess
[Some of your favorite movies]: Bowling for Columbine, Requiem for a Dream, Sound of Music
[Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming months]: Graduating
[Something that you are deathly afraid of?]: spiders
[Do you like candles]: oh yes
[Do you like hot wax]: sure
[Do you like incense]: usually, but I hate the dusty mess the smoke makes
[Do you like the taste of blood]: I don't hate it - but I don't go out of my way to taste it
[Do you believe in love]: completely
[Do you believe in soul mates]: I think so
[Do you believe in love at first sight]: Not so much
[Do you believe in Heaven]: I think so
[Do you believe in forgiveness]: most of the time
[Do you believe in God]: I believe in something, God is a convenient name
[What do you want done with your body when you die]: I'm not really sure - cremated I think - after that, who knows.
[Who is your worst enemy?]: nobody - it takes too much energy to maintain an enemy
[If you could have any animal for a pet]: a pony
[What is the latest you've ever stayed up]: about 36 drug induced hours of awakeness.
[Ever been to Belgium?]: not yet!
[Can you eat with chopsticks]: most of the time
[What's your favorite coin?]: the penny
[What are 5 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to?]: Calgary, Montreal, Toronto, Amsterdam, London
[What are some of your favorite pig out foods?]: Tim Hortons chocolate sour cream doughnuts (preferably in timbit form)
[What's something that you wish people would understand?]: Themselves
[What's something you wish you could understand better?]: Math
[Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time?]: My family
[What's one thing you want to make happen for tomorrow?]: A good night at work.

Friday, December 13, 2002

Aah, school is officially done for the semester. I feel completely overwhelmed and relaxed and engerzied. I want to do everything I haven't had time for over the past weeks, and lay around and do nothing, all at the same time. Instead, I've decided to blog :)

For those of you who were following the chocolates, my apologies. Incase you really wanted to know, we have:
Dec. 11 - lantern
Dec. 12 - teddy bear
Dec. 13 - sleigh

I saw Bowling for Columbine the other day. It was refreshing to know that I wasn't the only person who hadn't yet seen it - there were 6 other people in the theater, excluding me and my date. It was absolutely amazing. If you haven't seen it yet - go, run, NOW! That's about all I can say about it. Well that, and I will never again knowingly support any product, artistic or otherwise, that Charlton Heston has or will put out. Not that I was a big Heston fan in the first place, but now I care enough to dislike him greatly.


I've been thinking about a bit of a rant lately, so I figure I'll spew it out for you. I'll try to make it concise and whatnot - I guess this is what happens when I don't blog for days and days.

I've been encountering a lot of people in all walks of life lately who really seem to enjoy playing the part of the victim. Whether they have had (or are having) problems with alcoholism, mental illness, personal tragedy or other circumstances that are apparently 'beyond their control' they use it as a crutch, an excuse, and a strong identifier for their very being. You all know those people - the ones who you end up meeting through some mutual friend, and you're all out for dinner, and before anyone even mentions the wine list, he or she pipes up to the waitress "I'll have a Coke, I'm an alcoholic". As if the waitress needed to know, or even cared. Why not say "hi, my name is John/Jane Doe and I like classical music" or puppies, or salsa dacing, or anything else? We usually don't just toss out that information unless it comes up in conversation - most people figure it's impolite and somewhat crass to just start blurting things out about yourself as if you were just "that" important. So why is it any more acceptable to blurt out details of your personal problems? It doesn't make us like you any better, in fact, it may have the opposite effect.

So far though, that's just an annoyance. The part that really bothers me is when people use their problems as a way of explaining who they are. As if they were no more than the label on their prescription. "Hi, I'm John/Jane Doe, Rx.#1234567, Paxil." YOU ARE MORE THAN THE SUM OF YOUR INADEQUACIES PEOPLE! GET A HOBBY! I'm not trying to bash people who have serious problems, or who are experiencing success through a 12-step program - but of all the people I know, the ones who have embraced the person they are without their disease, instead of clinging to it like a security blanket, are the happiest. Because if you can't figure out who you are besides a person with a problem, what are you when the problem goes away? Nothing? There's just something fundamentally wrong with that.

/exit soapbox.

Tuesday, December 10, 2002

Things are moving along nicely. I studied something close to furiously today, and managed (as far as I can tell) to do fairly well on my CMNS 371 exam today! Big thanks and warm hugs to anyone who actually sent any of those positive vibes. Now all I have to do is whip up a tasty CMNS 310 take-home and I'm home free!!!!

In other news, I joined the ranks of the esteemed Vancouver Webloggers today. Check me out :)
Okay kiddies, again, we start with the chocolate - A smiling crescent moon, wearing a nightcap.

I would appreciate any good vibes you can send my way - I'm going to write an exam this afternoon, and I haven't written one in oh so long. Most of my classes have been take-home or no-final-exam, so this is a bit nerve wracking. The appropriate time to send these vibes would be immediately, while I'm cramming those last few moments of study in, and if you could intensify them at about 3:30 when the exam starts, that would be wonderful!

Monday, December 09, 2002

Ok, I'll start off with the chocolate today: A present, quite nice.

I have, again, compromised my educational future. Well, not really - but I did a silly thing. I have a take-home exam due today, and I was thinking to myself "no problem, it's due at 4, you can finish it up easily." Unfortunately, this is not the case. The paper I handed in last week was due at 4. This is due at 2. I still know that I have enough time to finish it up and go hand it in, but now I feel rushed - which I don't exactly like.

So why am I blogging instead of writing said exam you ask? I just rolled my sorry arse outta bed, and I'm considering this my writing "warm-up." Anyone who writes on a regular basis knows that it's virtually impossible to start right in on a project without warming up the brain and the fingers a wee bit.

Now.. there is a bit of a thing that's been bugging me as of late. Apparently my dear darling boyfriend is making it abundantly clear that he has no desire to be any kind of friendly with my current circle of friends. Not that he dislikes them in any way, but he feels that since he (as far as he knows) has nothing in common with them, he'd just rather not form any sortof relationship with them. I feel torn. I've been with the boyfriend for a significant period of time, and he's very important to me. But when it comes to friends, well, let me explain.

Up until the past year or so, I've been not much more than a needy, co-dependent schlep. My pattern was to go out, find a charismatic boyfriend, and worm my way into his life - which included adopting his circle of friends as my own. When the relationship ended, so did the friendships. Lately, however, I've been forming friendships with people simply because we have a mutual desire to be acquaintances. For the first time in practically ever, I feel that I have a circle of people around who will genuinely care about me, regardless of the man (or lack thereof) in my life.

Now considering the preamble I've just given, the situation is kindof crushing me inside. I don't want to live two separate lives - one with my boyfriend, and one with my friends. I want to share my experiences with all of the people who are important to me. I don't want to be the girl who has the "mysterious boyfriend that nobody's ever really met", or have to explain to friends that my boyfriend is actually a really nice, sweet person who has the capacity to be a huge amount of fun - when he feels like it. I want to be able to tell my boyfriend funny annecdotes about things that happen between me and my friends and have him understand the significance of it because he took the time to get to know them a little - instead of having him sortof fake a laugh and change the subject, because he just doesn't understand. Better yet, I want to be able to re-live those funny moments with him, because he was there, and he thought it was funny too.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm sick of living in this phone booth (and if you didn't get the superman reference, shame on you).

Sunday, December 08, 2002

Man oh man am I ever lagging in the advent chocolate reporting department - I wonder if I'll make it to Christmas eve! Okay, so yesterday the 7th we had a nice little squirrel, complete with acorn. Today, a Boot full of goodies. And now my brother's gonna buy me breakfast, so we hafta go :)

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